Friday, May 27, 2005

Authorized excuse

I'm not out of touch...just difficult...
I'm not unfeeling or unmotivated just unsure at times...
I think my occasional desire to control things and the steady influx of logic into the more complicated matters of the heart, discourages me.
I have a defeatist attitude at times because I've lost so much...I've beared the brunt of a lot, I've been through a lot and I see how my insecurity has cloaked itself in the robes of hubris and my hamartia is much like Othello's...that I "love[d] not wisely; but too well"
I get frustrated by my frustration...I get unhappy with ME.
My ideal mate is an unreal mate because I desire someone who finds it impossible to hurt or disappoint me (which I think everyone's tends to be).
I dehumanize women by placing them on pedestals and get frustrated if their posture while on that pedestal isnt perfect (Everyone isn't perfect but my unreal expectations call for a good effort at the least).
I place my hopes in a photograph because the motion picture has a tendency to improv and one wants to stick to my approved and authorized script. This, I have a problem with.
I have control issues but I seem to be out of it half the time...if you think I am composed, it merely means that I portray my mess very well. If you catch me in real composure, my mess is most likely swept under my proverbial rug...
My head/house needs cleaning.

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