Thursday, December 08, 2005


there's something within me that is begging to come out-
its clawing, scratching and building within me. i dont know if i am ignoring it out of fear or out of knowledge. maybe i know what it could mean. maybe this time i have thought so far out of the box that my mind has taken the shape of doubt. curious as it may be, i have censored myself for too long. the smile that you see me wear is clothing; soiled, i assure you. my emotions need a good scrub. my destiny needs a bit attention in the area of...well...everything. i feel like Jonah, quite frankly, -except that I am running away from something that I am not quite sure I am SUPPOSED to be doing, - I'm merely straying from a viable option.
my comfort zone is layered with the softest material you could imagine. the boundaries are clear and defined, and the border is riddled with defenses that keep both me in and anything that doesnt meet my specifications -out. i'm digging a hole in one of the walls unbeknownst to... me; getting my "Andy Dufresne" on, so to speak. i am fearfully and wonderfully made, so i am fearfully and wonderfully, -albeit slowly, making my way forward. there's no turning back now, i know...but can i look without turning into salt? I sure hope so.


jameil1922 said...

wow. that was a nice way to say you're confused. very eloquent. step outside the fear and do what you know you have to do. if you don't you'll only end up right back where you should have started in the first place.

LaurenAshleigh said...

First of all, so nice to have you back. Don't let it happen again.

And moving on to things more profound in nature...

I believe that we as beings are all divinely endowed with a certain degree of gift of talent when we are created. It is this talent that makes us an individual and sets us apart from others. But every once in awhile, a being comes along that is so abundantly blessed beyond the realm of what is normal or standard that it sets them far apart from everyone else that has ever been made in the same vein as they. And it is this fear of seperation, of difference that creates fear. Also, when there is someone so amazingly endowed with talents beyond themselves, it is an amazing power. And if you are benevolent of this power, respectful of it, do not take it for granted, you will always be scared, fearful of what it could mean because there is a small part of you that recognizes that wielding this power could mean that you will do things that have never been done before you and will never be done again.

Olu, you have been abundently and divinely endowed with talent beyond even what you can imagine when you were created. I know that such a blessing can be overwhelming and even quite scary. But do not shy away from your blessings. Do not lay to waste what God has bestowed upon you. Wield your power in the humble and benevolent manner that I know you to handle everything else and I know, in my heart, that the entire world will one day be in awe of what God has created in you. You are given power as an entity; don't throw it away because you are scared of what you might become if you lay yourself open to it.